The Suit: A Book Review

The Suit: A Machiavellian Approach to Men’s Style

Nicholas Antongiavanni

Harper Collins, USA, 2006, 230 pp.

Everyone sees how you appear, few touch what you are.

--Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince

Political speech writer Michael Anton, under the pen name Nicholas Antongiavanni, has written a parody of Niccolò Machiavelli’s political treatise, The Prince entitled, The Suit: A Machiavellian Approach to Men’s Style. In addition to being fun to read, the book contains many practical tips for men on dressing for the workplace, includes scathing critiques of the fashion industry, and declares war on “business casual.”

In this book Anton describes in complete detail every bit of essential knowledge, not only on buying and wearing suits, but more importantly, why men should. In addition to providing a chapter for the young (“take care not to offend with fanciness” such as bow ties, suspenders, or colored shirts with white collars), he provides chapters devoted to the short, the tall, the stout, the muscular, the thin and the oddly shaped man. Also included are chapters devoted to the history of the modern business suit (technically called a lounge suit owing to its origin as an informal garment—it was the track suit of its day), as well as a clear comparison of the leading types of cuts (called silhouettes) ranging from London to Milan to Naples. He gives practical advice on shoes, (to see if a man is well dressed, look down.) And he nicely avoids the pitfall of being too stuck on “the rules,” emphasizing the words of style writer Alan Flusser, “the truly stylish man knows enough about the rules to know how and when to break them.”

Much like Machiavelli’s The Prince, it is not always easy to tell when the author is exaggerating, and when he is deadly serious. Anton credits “business casual” with causing the first recession of the 21^st century, writing that, “after the accounting firm Arthur Andersen introduced [business casual] into England, Savile Row tailor Angus Cundy predicted that it would cause their ruin—and soon after the firm imploded in the Enron scandal. Thus,” writes Anton, “if you work in an environment where ‘business casual’ is decreed, I recommend that you wear suits to do your part to kill off this unfortunate trend and save the global economy.” Far reaching as that statement may be, there is also a fair amount of sense to the notion that if corners are cut with regard to clothing, they are likely being cut elsewhere, too.

In an interview with the National Endowment of the Humanities, Anton elaborated more on the concept of “business casual” saying that it has, “actually caused a lot of confusion and angst among men. The feeling is, I know how to wear a suit and tie every day, even if I find it boring or if it annoys me, but I know what it is. What is business casual? A jacket but no tie? Is it jeans? Are khakis okay?” In that same interview Anton pointed out that far from being a garment of hierarchy or superiority, “the point of the suit was to rid clothing of status distinction… During America’s postwar economic expansion, the era from, say, ’45 to ’65,” he writes, “you could not tell by dress the CEO from yesterday’s hire.”

Anton also delivers a scathing critique of men’s fashion, not to be confused with men’s style (fashion is fleeting, style remains virtually constant). He writes that “after crossing the Alps into France, [the lounge suit] inspired a women’s couture designer to experiment with men’s clothes for the first time. Thus began the era of the menswear designer, which swept back into Italy like a plague of locusts, then engulfed the world, and under which we still suffer.” Anton reminds the readers that they need not get caught up in the expensive, short lived, and sometimes ridiculous clothing offered by fashion houses, movie stars and magazines (which all conspire together, incidentally) instead advising that, “you should strive to imitate the great dressers of the 1930s, who…designed unique wardrobes for themselves, ensuring that not only would they always be stylish, but that they would never look exactly like anyone else.”

This distinction between fashion and style is perhaps the most important point that Manton makes. It is a concept that if well understood, could save men enormous sums of money, at the same time allowing them to purchase better quality and better styled garments.

Tongue in cheek, no doubt, he implores men in characteristically Machiavellian language to find their own style. “Men are content to rely on wives, girlfriends, and mothers,” he writes, “to select and purchase their clothes. But there has never been a well-dressed man who was dressed by a woman…being by their nature drawn to latest fashions…” Anton also considers the political consequences of the “fashion industrial complex” (my phrase, not his) by asserting that, “Al Gore was ruined the moment he placed himself in the hands of that wardrobe consultant who advised him to wear earth tones. Similarly,” he continues, “you should approach salesmen with caution, for…their interests diverge from yours.”

Not surprisingly, he eschews neckties which “display irregular and unsightly patterns printed on silk that leap out in front of the shirt as if to announce the awkwardness of the wearer.” Nor is he shy in his contempt for the current state of men’s style in the United States, “what could be more difficult,” he asks, “than to rescue an America that is shabbier than the English, haughtier than the French, more fashion-enthralled than the Italians, without style, without class, shoddy, garish, unkempt, vulgar…”

Ultimately, Anton points out that the fault for this lies not only with bad intentions, but a general lack of knowledge and understanding about the so called “rules” of men’s style. In his words, this lack of knowledge is responsible for, “making equally ill dressed those who care and those who do not.”

“To set oneself apart from the generalness of men,” Anton writes, “it is sufficient merely to dress well, and this precludes garishness.” He provides one last Machiavellian passage for those who dare to fight the tyranny of dressing to the lowest common denominator. “And if, as I said, American tastes have gone to hell, that only increases the glory, honor, and gratitude due to you for this marvelous deed.”

The book is beautifully illustrated by Edwin Fotheringham and is a perfect book for anyone interested in learning the rules of men’s dress. Even if only to better break them.

Accessories: Shoes, Umbrellas, Pocket Square, Watches, Pens, Pocket Knives and Money Clips

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

-- Oscar Wilde

Shoes-- Shoes are the subject of much debate in the sartorial world, but I will leave most of that debate for you to discover on your own. The important thing to know is that people are often judged by their shoes. It is often said that when worn with nice shoes, even a cheap suit will look expensive. It was eventually revealed that the doormen at Studio 54 had used shoes as a primary determinant in deciding who was let into the club and who was turned away. There is a reason for that. Shoes reveal more about you than you might think.

I recommend that you get nice shoes. They don't have to be expensive, but they should at least be made of leather. Higher quality shoes typically will also have leather, rather than rubber soles. Shoes made of shell cordovan (a particular kind of horsehide from the hind quarters of the horse) are especially high in quality, and after years of wear will eventually take on a wavy, rather than creased, appearance. Black, burgundy and brown are all appropriate colors, although black is considered the most formal. Black cap toes are the ultimate business or funeral shoe. Consider wingtips or perforated cap toes for a little extra dash of style, but you generally shouldn't wear them with a tuxedo or to a job interview.

Keep your shoes in good shape. This is probably more important than the quality. Use a brush or piece of cloth to rub the polish onto the shoes and use a horsehair shoe brush or another piece of cloth to buff the polish to a high shine.

Like suits, shoes today are often glued together. This means that most of today's shoes are meant to be replaced, not repaired. A nice pair of shoes, however, will be stitched together, and with a few repairs they should last for a lifetime. Those on a tight budget will be able to find very nice shoes available on eBay in many styles, sizes and colors. Generally speaking, the older the shoes the better the construction will be. Stay away from fashionable houses like Prada and Ferragamo unless you want to pay for the name. Instead, look for traditional shoe making companies such as Allen Edmonds, which in addition to making shoes in the US, will also recraft used AE shoes to a virtually brand new state for a reasonable fee.

Ties-- You probably shouldn't wear a tie every day, but you also probably shouldn't rule them out all together. Extremely wide or narrow ties will look a bit dated, so they are probably best avoided. The tie should be tied (typically with a Four-In-Hand or Half Windsor Knot) so that the its widest part reaches the top of your belt. Ties with solid patterns, diagonal stripes, or polka dots are most versatile. Wear ties printed with dogs playing poker, Spider-man or the Beatles at your own risk.

Pocket Squares-- A suit without a pocket square was once referred to as a "naked" suit, and traditionally men would never leave the house without one. The color of the pocket square should complement the color of the shirt, suit or tie, but should never match the tie perfectly. Worn too flamboyantly pocket squares might convey a touch of dandyism or foppishness, but worn discreetly, they can convey a touch of class, sophistication or attention to detail.

Pocket squares can be folded so that a straight edge emerges slightly from the pocket (the TV fold), so that one or more peaks emerge from the pocket (the peak fold), or merely stuffed into the pocket with a puff of fabric emerging (the puff). The first two folds work best with linen squares, while all three folds are appropriate for silk squares. Pocket squares are also useful, should you decide to perform the coin trick taught in this book.

Watches-- A man with class should probably have a nice watch. Again, it doesn't have to be an expensive watch, but should ideally be made of metal, not plastic. Wearing a plastic Timex digital watch with an Oxxford houndstooth suit is like serving a Martini in a red plastic cup, which I also do not recommend. The tradition of a man passing his watch down to his son or grandson is rarely practiced these days. So, why not start it up again?

Pens-- A good pen, and by good I mean not plastic, can be a nice and stylish touch.

Pocket Knives-- Likewise, a pocket knife. Men used to use these for everything from opening the mail to slicing apples, so I'm not sure how we're surviving without them.

Money Clips-- Whether you carry your wallet in your back pocket or breast pocket, it shouldn't be any thicker than necessary. Carrying your cash in a money clip in the front pants pocket can significantly reduce the thickness of the wallet. If you carry your driver's license and a credit card along with a couple of bills, you may not even need to carry a wallet.

Umbrellas-- If you carry an umbrella, it may as well be a sturdy "cane style" one. When not opened, you should carry the umbrella, not by the handle, but by the center. The handle should rest along the inside of your forearm, with your index finger should extending toward the tip of the umbrella. Carried in this way, the umbrella is merely an extension of your arm so you needn't worry about poking anyone accidentally. However, if confronted by thieves, pickpockets or assassins, the umbrella is in the proper grip for either forward or backward jabs. (Don't swing the umbrella like a bat, it will crumple in half, but rather, jab with the tip or the handle.)

Joke Telling: Dying is Easy, Comedy is Hard

"When I give concerts, the tickets sell for five dollars to one hundred dollars, but for my concerts the five-dollar seats are down in front . . . the further back you go, the more you have to pay. The hundred-dollar seats are the last two rows, and those tickets go like hotcakes! In fact, if you pay two hundred dollars you don't have to come at all."

--Jack Benny and his magic violin

To truly be a master of the drawing room, you must master the art of telling a joke. Jokes are a part of our society that are taken for granted these days and rarely given the consideration that they deserve. Most people tell the wrong jokes and at the wrong times. As a consequence, classier people tend to avoid the art of joke telling, for fear of being associated with the wrong type of crowd. But if you learn a few things about telling jokes, you will stand out as a master in this classic tradition, and you can help guide those around you.

First, know when to stop. Jokes, like card tricks, are often abused by amateurs. One or two is enough. Leave those around you wanting more. The purpose of telling jokes is not to be the center of attention, but to create an atmosphere where everyone around you can shine.

In order to create that atmosphere you must know several good, clean jokes. Today dirty jokes are dime-a-dozen and you will rise above that level if you have a command of clean jokes. A good, clean joke is one of the most useful tools a man can have.

Know the difference between the long joke and the short joke. Typically the short joke is the most useful. Don't waste people's time. Set 'em up and knock 'em down. If you have told a couple of jokes and your public is demanding more, then you can deliver a long joke. But to be a master, you need to know the difference, and know when to tell them. Remember the advice of Shakespeare, "Brevity is the soul of wit."

Comedy is one tenth knowing when to talk and nine tenths knowing when to pause. When Johnny Carson asked Jack Benny the secret of comedy, Benny paused for at least 25 seconds (the audience laughing the entire time) before he slowly answered, "timing."

A few short jokes to consider:

• Did you hear the one about the two sausages frying in a pan. The first sausage says "Is it hot in here?" The second sausage says, "My God, it's a talking sausage!"

• What does cheese say when it has its picture taken?

• A waiter comes to a table with a piece of apple pie. He scoops a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top, drops the whole plate on the floor, and smashes it with his foot. Then he puts the whole plate in front of the customer. The customer says, "What did you do that for?" The waiter says, "You said to bring you some apple pie and step on it!"

• Did you hear the NASA is opening a restaurant on the moon? The food is great, but there's no atmosphere.

• What did one guppy say to the other? (Don't say anything, just make a few of your best fish faces.)

• I slept like a baby last night... I cried for hours and wet myself.

• A doctor says to his patient, "Well, you only have about two minutes left to live." The patient says, "Isn't there anything you can do for me?" The doctor says, "well I can boil you an egg."

And if you really want to crack up some old people, finish by saying, "Well that's the last time I steal a joke from Jack Benny."

These jokes may not be the best, but they are a start. Learn these, and at least you'll have a couple of clean jokes when you need them. [Note: Those are just a few examples of jokes. There are hundreds of thousands to choose from, in hundreds of books. Pick up an old book by Milton Berle and you'll have a repertoire that hasn't been heard in 60 years. Some jokes crack up kids, others crack up senior citizens. Discretion is the better part of valor. You don't have to tell jokes, if you don't want to. The important thing is that in the event that you do want to tell a joke, you don't come up blank. So learn some jokes. Practice them. Make them your own. Give them a try. They might be just what you need some day.]

Here are a couple jokes of the long variety. Remember, when you tell a long joke, the humor should come from the joke itself, not the punchline. People should be engaged, maybe even laughing, from the setup alone. The punchline is the finish, but not the joke. If nobody is smiling during the setup, the punchline won't save you. So learn these long jokes like they are a script for a play. Practice them. Make them sing. If you do that, the punchline will be a knock-out blow.

Long Joke Number 1: The Wide Mouthed Frog

A wide mouthed frog was hopping through the jungle and came across a giraffe. The wide-mouthed frog says, (here you put your index fingers in your mouth, making your cheeks stick out. This will make it hard to speak and you will spit all over, so much the better) "Hey Mrs. Giraffe, what do you feed your babies?" (Now, take your fingers out of your mouth.) The giraffe says, "Wide Mouth Frog, every time you see me you ask me what I feed my babies, now go bother someone else for a change."

Wide Mouth frog goes hopping through the jungle and comes across an Elephant. Wide Mouth Frog says, (repeat fingers in mouth business) "Hey Mrs. Elephant, what do you feed your babies?" Mrs. Elephant says, "Wide Mouth Frog, every day you ask me this! Don't bother me today, just leave me alone. Just get out of here! All right? Just go!"

Wide Mouth Frog goes off hopping through the jungle and comes across an Alligator. "Wide Mouth Frog says, (with the usual voice) "Hey Mrs. Alligator, what do you feed your babies?" Mrs. Alligator says, (make a deep alligator voice) "Wide Mouthed Frogs!"

Wide Mouth Frog says, (Now instead of putting your fingers in your mouth, pucker your lips out very narrowly) "Oh, really!"

Long Joke Number 2: The Bavarian Cream Pie

My grandpa was stationed in Germany after the war. And when I was very small he told me about this little restaurant that served THE best Bavarian cream pie. Apparently he went there every opportunity he had. He couldn't get enough of that Bavarian cream pie - it was absolutely unreal.

Well, a few years ago, my grandpa found out that he had a terminal illness, and only had a few months left to live. So, he booked a deluxe vacation cruise to Europe that would eventually take him to that little town in Germany with the famous Bavarian cream pie.

A few weeks into the cruise, the ship started slowly sinking off of the coast of Portugal. I don't know if you remember that, but it was all over the news at the time. Well the life raft that my grandpa was in also turned out to be slowly leaking. So he helped all of the people that were in his life raft onto another one, but he wouldn't get on himself because it was already so overloaded. So, my grandpa, and I'm not making this up. This was in the news. My grandpa, at 84 years old, swims for over a mile in the Atlantic Ocean to the coast of Portugal.

Water-logged and exhausted, he hitches a ride and gets dropped off about 100 miles outside his destination in Germany. Trying to cross a main highway, he gets clipped by the side mirror of a car, but not badly, and he manages to hitch another ride with some people headed for Germany.

Eventually he catches a bus and arrives in this little town in Germany that he remembered from his youth. He's thrilled to find the old restaurant that he'd loved so much 60 years ago, and he walks in and takes his usual seat at the table by the window. The waitress comes over and my grandpa says, (my grandpa spoke German fluently, by the way), he says, "I know exactly what I want. You have no idea what I've had to go through to get here. I would love a nice big slice of your wonderful Bavarian cream pie."

The waitress says, "Sorry, Sir - but we're all out of Bavarian cream."

My grandpa says, "Apple's fine."