Cigars: The Basics

"When they saw me walking down the street smoking a cigar, they'd say, 'Hey, that 14-year-old kid may be going places.' Of course it's also a good prop on the stage... When you can't think of what you are supposed to say next, you take a puff on your cigar until you do think of your next line."

-- George Burns

There is a lot to learn about cigars. But luckily, there is not much that one has to learn. Here, I will include only the very basics about cigar smoking, should you choose to smoke a cigar.

Size, shape and color-- A cigar is not like a suit. It is not something that you will be wearing for the next twenty years. People will not look at you and make assumptions about you by the type of cigar that is inside your inner breast pocket. When choosing a cigar, choose the one that has a shape, color and price that suits your mood. However, there are a couple of points to keep in mind.

Different cigar names are associated with different shapes and sizes, but there is no universal standard. In general, Churchills are long and fat, Rothschilds are short, etc. I wouldn't worry about it, instead choose the size based on the amount of tobacco that you want to smoke and the time you'll have in which to do it.

Nicer cigars are called long-filler, meaning that the cigar is made with tobacco leaves which run the entire length of the cigar. Cheaper cigars are short-filler, meaning that the cigar is made from a bunch of "scraps" of tobacco leaf. Long filler cigars will "burn" better, but aside from reading the label on the box, it is it difficult to distinguish between the two without destroying the cigar. To quote Shakespeare, "As costly thy habit as thy purse can afford."

Cuban cigars are nice, but generally overhyped. Smoke them if they're available, but don't buy into any nonsense that only Cuban cigars are worth smoking. George Burns was famous for buying the 99 cent cigars to give out (that was a lot back then) but smoking the 5 cent cigars himself. That is not bad advice. If the cigar shop you are in produces its own house brand, why not give it a try?

When it's time to smoke the cigar there are three big questions. How to cut it, how to light it, and what to do with the cigar band. They'll cut it and light it for you at the shop, if you're going to smoke it right away.

The Cut-- Cut it with a cigar cutter if you have one, or you can just use your teeth to remove the paper at the tip. There is nothing wrong with biting the cigar, just don't bite into the tobacco.

The Light-- Light it with a butane cigar lighter if you have one, or you can just light it with wooden matches. Ask for matches when you buy your cigars and they'll give you a couple of boxes. Paper matches are too short and don't work. Cigarette lighters will fill the cigar with lighter fluid fumes. Hold three wooden matches, strike them all at once, and light the thing while puffing. (You do know that you never inhale cigar smoke right?)

The Band-- The band may be removed whenever you want, as long as it is removed before it burns. If the cigar marks a special occasion, save the band.

(Two notes: Try not to flick the ash, because you might also extinuguish part of the flame. Just let it get longer and longer until it falls off on its own. You can help it along a little, but be careful of your flame. Rotate the cigar as you smoke it, and you will help ensure an even burn. If one side of the cigar is burning significanly faster than the other, you'll need to relight it.)

That, and a nice glass of scotch on rocks, outta do it.